What Holds Me Together
by upallnight-doitallwithlou
Summary: James and Kendall accuse each other of some really stupid stuff. Words are thrown about and feelings get hurt. In the end, things work out for the better. SLASH.


I can't even begin to apologize enough for my lack of updating on here. I have been so void of inspiration and anything that would cause me to write, and so therefore, I haven't even tried. I really hope you all haven't completely forgotten about me. I wrote this tonight, because I've literally had a Kames story pestering me for like, a month, and I just haven't managed to like anything I came up with. I'd write some, delete it, write some more, and then give up. I finally decided to just freaking post something. I hope you don't hate it. Reviews would be amazing. Let me know what you guys think.

Also; this is dedicated to The Savage Soul. She is absolutely amazing, and without all of her reviews and support, I probably wouldn't even bother with this. This is for you, kid. I hope it doesn't suck too bad!

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_"I honestly can't even believe you. Did you think I wouldn't find out about you taking Logan out to dinner? Surely you didn't think Carlos could keep a secret!" Kendall fumed, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. James' mouth hung open. Did Kendall really think he took Logan to dinner in a romantic way? Please. "Are you kidding me? I took Logan out to help me plan a nice evening with you for our anniversary tonight!" James replied, anger and hurt hindering his thoughts. _

_ Kendall was speechless. Carlos had managed to keep that part of the secret from him, and now it was making him look stupid and ignorant. In reality, at the moment he was. James stood up angrily from the dinner table, blwoing out the candle he had lit in the center. He wadded his napkin up and threw it down. "Kendall Knight, you've really screwed this up. I've been trying to be nothing but perfect for you, and you go and accuse me of something as insane and propostorous as this. You need to look at yourself before you come throwing accusations at me. Do you think I didn't notice you getting all cozy with Jo the other night at the album release party? You were right next to me, too, holding my hand and everything. And you still somehow had the nerve to talk to her like she was the one you shared a bed with," James remarked, his voice growing louder with each sentence. Kendall had had enough. He got to his feet as well, his chair falling over in his haste._

_ "You care way too much about yourself James. You are so wrapped up in your own little world to even comprehend what goes on around you. I wasn't talking to Jo any differently than I always do. You just needed a reason to make this about you, as always," Kendall screamed, punching down on the table-top. His knuckles began to ache immediately, but at the time, he could care less._

_ James rolled his eyes, tears filling them as he did. "You know what? Fuck you. Maybe you should care a little more about yourself and what you do and how it effects me. Love yourself before you decide to love someone else," he breathed, his heart breaking as he unfasted the gold chain around his neck. He tossed it to the floor, and Kendall's eyes followed it as it hit the ground._

_ The two boys walked away from a two-year relationship and a broken gold necklace Kendall had bought James when they had first started dating. Neither of them could even begin to understand what they would be putting themselves through._

_

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_

The headache that was slowly killing James had not ceased since he and Kendall had broken up. He hadn't really done much besides sit in the living room of 2J and watch re-runs of American's Next Top Model. It had been almost six days and to say that this break-up was driving him crazy was an understatement. He didn't brush his hair, and he didn't care about what he wore to rehearsals. He didn't make up the bed he and Kendall used to share, and he didn't bother eating. When you were missing your better half, it didn't matter what the rest of the world thought of you.

James hadn't seen Kendall all day, and that was starting to bother him. Where could he possibly go? Had he found someone else already? Had he already moved on? James sure hoped he hadn't. That would probably be the death of him. Not seeing Kendall right now would be a hell of a lot easier than seeing him with someone else.

"Still sitting in here moping?" James turned around to see Logan standing in the kitchen. "Yeah. Even moping is getting hard to do," he replied, playing with the hem of his lucky white v-necks. Right about now, he was feeling like this v-neck wasn't very lucky at all. Logan sighed. He hated seeing James and Kendall like this. The two were meant for each other, and watching them slowly fall apart was painful to see. He smiled, an idea forming in his mind. "Hey. Whatsay you and I and Carlos all go out to eat tonight? It'll take your mind off things and get you away from Tyra," he said, grabbing a cold water from the refrigerator and walking into the living room.

There was a moment of hesitation before James shook his head. "Nah, I think I'll stay in again." Logan wasn't having that as his answer. "Okay, let me put it this way. I'm not asking you this time. You're going out with Carlos and I, and I don't care if we have to drag you out of this apartment. We're leaving in about thirty minutes so go get a shower, make yourself beautiful, and don't try and fake sick like last time," he stated, holding a finger in the air as if he were a mother scolding a child who had tried to skip school. James smiled slightly, thankful that he had friends like Logan who wanted to make him feel better. He stood from where he was seated on the couch and made his way to the shower.

The hot water and steam seemed to ease the pounding in his head, and knowing that his hair was clean helped him regain the confidence he had lost earlier in the week. When he had finished bathing, he stepped out of the shower, drying off and stepping over to the mirror. He smiled weakly at himself. He had dark circles under his eyes and his skin seemed to lack the vibrance it normally had. He frowned. This wasn't living at all. He ignored the tears forming in his eyes and reached for his hair dryer, turning it on to stifle his crying as he did his best to dry his hair. When his sobbing stopped, he turned the hair dryer off and dried his eyes. There was no way he was going to be able to hide the redness. Whatever.

He decided to wear a black button up shirt with a pair of dark jeans. No need to dress lively, he figured. Despite his situation, James looked all-too handsome and even though he didn't want to admit it, he told himself so before walking out of his room to find Logan and Carlos in the living room waiting on him. "Ready to go?" Carlos asked, a smile gracing his features. James feigned excitement and nodded before they all headed out of the apartment and out into the night.

The car ride was awkward, even if it wasn't intended to be. Logan and Carlos were holding hands, and it only made James more aware of the empty spaces between his own fingers. He stared out the window until they arrived at a restaurant he had never eaten at before. They walked in and sat down at a small table near the back. This place was beautiful; well-lit and color cordinated like you wouldn't believe. James marveled at the beautiful building for a while, wondering how anyone could afford this place. He didn't ask, though. He simply remained quiet, only speaking when answering questions from his two friends. James didn't each much of anything. He simply prodded at the small portion of food on his place. Dinner passed quickly, and before he knew it, they were back in the car and on the way to the Palm Woods.

Walking back into 2J, James thanked his friends for taking him out. To be honest, their relationship only made him feel worse, but he was glad that they had tried to mend his broken spirit. Logan gave a half-hearted smile, and put his hand on James' shoulder. "Look, James. I know you're still bent out of shape over this. But it has to hurt before it can get better," he said, squeezing the boys arm gently before letting his hand fall back to his side. James simply nodded, fighting back the urge to cry again and watched Logan and Carlos walk off to their room.

Kendall still hadn't come home, he noticed, and this was still doing numbers on James' blood pressure. _What if he's hurt? What if something really bad happened to him? What the fuck do you care? God.. I hope he's okay... _James paced back and forth in the living room. He finally decided that even if Kendall did come home, he wouldn't talk to him, so it didn't matter if he stayed up or not. He sighed, frustrated, tracing his fingers through his hair before walking to his room.

He closed the door behind him and slowly stripped down to his boxers. He looked at Kendall's bed and bit his lip. "I really miss you..." He breathed, turning the light off in the room and climbing into his own bed. He curled up into a ball, and prayed to whatever God was listening that he would fall asleep quickly that night.

When he couldn't find sleep, James rolled onto his back. He felt so alone, so unwanted. He wished he could just disappear, or die, or anything to ease some of this pain he felt. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and stifled his crying, hoping that he wouldn't wake up Logan and Carlos. Suddenly the door opened, and James felt so bad. He sat up and covered his face with his hands. "Shit. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. It's just, I really can't sleep and I really miss Kendall and I just want him to come back," James said to the unidentifiable figure in the doorway. "James, I am back," came Kendall's voice, and James' heart burst into a million fiery pieces. He reached over and turned his bed-side lamp on so that he could see Kendall. The blonde looked wrecked; grey beanie covering unkempt hair, dark cirlces that matched the ones under James' eyes haunting his countenance. James started crying again.

"Kendall, I-I'm so sorry. For everything. I never meant any of the things I said to you, and-" Kendall had moved to the bed, sitting next to the brunette and quieting him with his index finger. "It's okay, baby. I'm sorry, too. I haven't slept in days, and I kept thinking about how hard I was on you. I knew better than to accuse you of going out with Logan and I knew better than to talk to you like I did. I've missed you so much, and throughout these last six days, I've come to realize that I can't fucking live without you," the blonde confessed, emerald eyes filling with tears that threatened to spill over the edge at any given second.

James shook his head slightly before leaning in and pressing his lips to Kendall's. It was as if every switch in his body had turned back on. He held Kendall's face in his hands and kissed him until he couldn't breathe anymore. Old flames were igniting, and their hearts were beating almost too fast. When Kendall pulled away from James, he pressed their foreheads together. "Tell me what you want," he said, kissing James once more. The brunette ran his thumb over Kendall's lip. "Make love to me," he whispered, staring dead into deep, green eyes. Kendall simply nodded and began kissing the dark-haired boy once again. He gently pushed him down so that he was lying on his back, and Kendall was quick to crawl over him, hands resting on the sides of James' neck. He broke apart only long enough to remove his own shirt, and then his lips were quick to find the skin on the side of James' face. James' eyes fluttered closed and his hands gently tangled in Kendall's blonde locks. He moaned quietly when Kendall began sucking at his pulse-point.

Kendall smiled against the boys flesh, moving down farther to lap at one of James' nipples. The brunette shuddered and pulled his knees up to rest on either side of Kendall's waist. "I love you.. so much.. Don't you ever... forget that... Understand?" Kendall mumbled between the kisses he placed all over James' chest. James nodded, a sincere smile forming on his lips for the first time in six days. "I love you, too, Kendall," James breathed, Kendall sitting up to unfasten his jeans. The blonde climbed off of the bed just long enough to step out of his pants, sliding his boxers off as well. James' boxers soon found Kendall's on the floor.

A deep groan escaped both boys' lips when Kendall took his and the brunette's members in his hands and began stroking them together. James bit down on his lip and pushed his hips up into Kendall's warm, inviting touch. He felt himself harder against the boys just-as-hard member, and he moaned his name. Kendall bent down and kissed James again, reaching for the bed-side table and opening it up. He fumbled around for lubricant, only breaking the kiss once he had found it. He sat up between James' legs and pushed the open just a little more, pouring the cool liquid over James' entrance. James shivered, reaching for one of Kendall's hands and lacing their fingers, while his other set of fingers went to work. Kendall pushed his index finger against James' hole, applying just enough pressure until it slipped in completely. He began working it in and out, holding onto James' hand. He quickly added another finger, scissoring the boy open.

"Kendall, baby. I need you," James whined, needing to feel Kendall inside of him again. Kendall simply held their hands up, kissed James' and then pulled his fingers out. He lined himself up with James' entrance and was about to push himself in before the boy stopped him. "Let me ride you," he said, a blush forming on his cheeks. Kendall agreed, and James was quick to change their position, only he wanted Kendall sitting up. He climbed into the boys lap and lined himself up, taking a deep breath before dropping himself down onto Kendall's cock. He cried out, feeling the all-too-familiar burn of being stretched. Just like Logan had told him, though. It's always got to hurt before it gets better. They both stilled for a few minutes, James taking time to readjust to Kendall being inside of him. Kendall only helped by pressing soft kisses to James' full lips and neck.

After a few moments, James decided he was ready and slowly began rocking his hips against the blonde's. He moaned loudly at the sensation, and felt Kendall's arms wrap around him. He brought his hips up and then slowly brought them back down, moaning again when Kendall wrapped his hand around his neglected member. James moved his hips in time with Kendall's strokes and it wasn't long before he had found that spot inside of him that would push him over the edge. James angled his hips just so to make sure that he hit it dead-on when he pushed down onto his lover.

Kendall held James in place as the boy moved in his lap. He threw his head back when James brought himself down hard and moaned his name in such a way that had James grinding down onto him in a matter of seconds. They took their time, both boys relishing in being with each other again. Kendall had missed the brunette to pieces; he missed his laugh, his eyes, his smile.. Everything. And being with him like this made up for all of the lost time. James pressed his forehead against Kendall's, their breath mingling, before he kissed him once more. "Baby, I'm about to come," he whispered, burying his face in the blonde's neck. Kendall whimpered in agreement, sensing his oncoming orgasm. James bounced on his cock a few more times before Kendall came, James following suit. They kissed again, until they absolutely had to pull apart for oxygen.

When they had come down from their high, the two boys cleaned up and settled into James' bed. James' headache was gone, and he could feel himself getting closer and closer to falling asleep. Before he fell asleep, though, Kendall had something to give him. He climbed off of the bed and reached into his pants pocket. James sat up and smiled at the sight of the gold chain he had broken during their fight. "I've been searching for a jeweler to fix this all day. I had planned on talking to you and fixing this mess between us, and I wanted to have it to give it back to you," he said, undoing the clasp and placing it around James' neck. James touched the chain, and then settled back into the sheets, pulling Kendall down with him. He pressed close to his boyfriend, and felt Kendall's arms wrap around him once more.

"I love you," James muttered, feeling warm and content again. Kendall pressed a kiss to James' temple and sighed. "I love you, too. And no matter how many times we fight, you better never forget it," he replied. The two drifted off to sleep, both exhausted from everything that had happened the past week. Neither of them would understand what made them perfect for each other, but to be honest, that didn't matter. They _were_ perfect for each other, and there was no was a few stupid fights would get in the way of that. James was a beautiful, golden chain, and Kendall was the clasp that held him together.

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So, there you have my shitty, one a.m. fic that really has no point to be sappy and whiney. I really hope you all liked it, and I would love to hear from you guys! Also, to everyone who voted on my poll, I WILL post that Kendall/Logan fic as soon as possible. I really just need some kind of inspiration to knock me in the face.

xBrittany.


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